So teach us to number our days, That we may present to You a heart of wisdom.
— Psalm 90:12
Joelle and I are wrapping up our week long getaway to Cuba to cover off all of the heavy decisions that we need to make for the next twelve months, given that this may be all the time left for Joelle and I to be together. Of course, God has made the final decision long ago as to the numbering of our days and for all we know, it could be longer. Or, it could also be shorter. And we’re only talking about Joelle. Who’s to say that I wouldn’t get stung by a jellyfish and drop dead at the beach before we even make it to the plane? Bottom line is that we have no idea as to how much time we have to live. The doctors told Joelle that they felt that they were generous telling her that she had twelve months to live. Only God, in my opinion, has the ability to turn twelve months into twelve years… or even more. And I am not going to be foolish to say if it is God’s will. If God turns months into years, isn’t it safe to say that He had already determined this? Only God can say to the doctor, “No! You are wrong. I have already determined that she is going to live this long. Not a day more and not a day less.”
However, the determination from the doctor has done one thing. If it is indeed true, and let’s face it, God uses doctors in His purpose, that Joelle has twelve months to live, then this is what we have determined to do: LIVE! We are down in Cuba making the decisions about what needs to be done once Joelle is no longer able to function. We are covering off everything including what would happen when I die. We’re making every painful decision that we can think of down here in paradise. And every time, I am toasting these decisions with a Pina Colada. Don’t worry, my church going friends and pastors: many of them have been alcohol free. The point is not the alcohol anyway. It’s more like the sweetness symbolic of the relief that follows the bitterness of having to make such decisions in the first place. It’s the reminder that we have made the decisions and now it is time to live.
It’s been said many times: live each day like it is your last. Even Jesus said that worrying about tomorrow doesn’t add a minute to today. God knows how long we have on this earth. God knows when it is time to come home. Does it make us think? It should! Does it make us lament over the time we have left? It should not! Sure, Joelle and I had plenty of dreams of growing old together and yes the news from the doctor makes me cry and sometimes go “it’s not fair”. But, aside from the fact that nothing is of our own design, God knows the full truth to our existence and has numbered all of our days. It could be less and it could be more. We don’t know. And since we don’t know, we should just live in this moment because it is the only moment we have.
And in this moment that I have been writing this, there is a tall cantina of Pina Colada poolside waiting for me. Time to live this moment with this cantina.