Regrets

It’s becomng days like these where I am starting to be filled with regrets about ever giving up being a contract CodeMonkey. Sure, it wasn’t easy at times, but it was enjoyable. I felt more in control of my hours and my time. I felt I had more of a choice.

It doesn’t feel like it these days. I feel like I am chained to the job more emotionally than physically and I can’t break away that easily. I feel like I can’t leave at the regular times that I used to and I feel like it is getting emotionally draining. It feels like it is robbing me of my choices. I feel like I traded in a lot of freedom for a little security and am getting ripped off because of it. Now I am starting to feel what I have given up.

Problem is that I don’t know how I can go back, or even if I can go back. Perhaps it time to think of a new career altogether. I definitely know that I enjoy what I do with wedding photography, and that I don’t seem to get enough time to enjoy it because of my job. Then again, I’m probably talking foolishness right now because I’m trying to fight the potential meltdown I’m heading into causing me even more stress.

Funny how the day that I am even recognizing this is on the eve of Yom Kippur. I didn’t even think about that until now. Perhaps I have some new decisions to make regarding this reflection. Perhaps I have some prayers for new directions to ask for… And with all that is going on in the world today, is what I am asking of God even important to Him?

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