As I turn 46 tomorrow (May 9), I have some birthday wishes. The things I wish for are not things that anyone can buy me. In a way, they go much deeper than that. The one thing that I am grateful for is the fact that I have been able to surpass my dad’s age by a few years already. Unfortunately, he only made it to 42 and never saw his grandchildren. I have been blessed with seeing 3 grandchildren. My first wish is to be able to see more grandchildren. I know it will happen one day. Just to be able to hold them and talk to them and tell them I love them. I already do, and they’re not even here yet. I love all my grandchildren. I can’t wait to go to Calgary with Joelle and see Cassidy and Connor at Christmas. Being a few thousand miles away is heartbreaking at times. It’s gonna feel like home when we go out there.
My next wish is to be able to see Joshua grow up and be a man. Despite the fact that I feel like I am living with myself, which I have enough trouble with, and that his Aspergers can be a real test to parenthood, especially when a parent has Aspergers, Josh is such a part of my life that I could never imagine my life without him now. I know that despite my disposition, there are things that I can offer him. I want to see him happy, and hopefully married with children of his own. I wish that he finds a patient, understanding and strong woman… just like I am fortunate to have.
I also wish to have a greater understanding of God. I’ll admit that I am often jealous of Joelle’s insight when it comes to God and the Bible… but it’s really my own fault. I don’t have a whole lot of patience to read. Heck, I’m even that way with the things I love, like audio production books and magazines. My reading skills are rather pathetic. My vocabulary stinks. It’s amazing that I have been able to write some of the songs that I have. It was more likely that God, Himself, wrote it, rather than me. However, it affects my reading skills and I lose my place wherever I am reading. I don’t see how I can improve my focus long enough to read a chapter or two of the Bible at a time. But, I wish I could. Something inside wants to know more about God on a deeper level. I know He does more than exist.
And my final wish goes beyond my understanding of God, life and everything in between. I want to experience life… and I mean really experience life. I want to not just live… I want to be alive. I want to be full of life. I want to experience God, Jesus, life, and everything else that goes along with it. I want to feel it on such a deep level. I don’t want it just to scratch my skin. I want it to penetrate into my soul. I don’t just want to reach out with my fingers. I want to reach out with my spirit. Everything that is me wants to reach out and touch all of God’s creations and I want to enjoy His creations and miracles on a level that far surpasses my physical being. I want to experience life on this level so that when I do experience death, I will be able to take these life experiences with me and thank God for His grace in letting me experience it. I know that I will have to stand in His court one day and I’m sure He’ll ask me if I lived… I want to be able to shout out YES! with great joy. Isn’t this the same life with joy that God promised everyone who confesses Jesus as their Saviour? I am saved… now I want to do more than just know I am saved. I have willingly lost my life to Jesus and have been reborn… I want to LIVE this reborn life! I want to experience this reborn life! I don’t want to merely exist! I want my soul to sing… that’s living.
Those are my wishes for my birthday.